Letter to my 33-week fetus

Dear Troy Emmitt:

I see you have inherited your mother's impatience. (Of all your mother's traits, I guess that's not the worst one...)

I'm really, really anxious to meet you, too, but you still have to bake for another seven weeks or so. As much as I'd like you to come out and play now, you really shouldn't. So please stop trying to bust out through the walls of my uterus.

I know it's getting cramped in there, with you getting bigger and all (put on the fat you need, but don't feel a need to overdo it, okay? Seven or eight pounds is big enough). The kicking is fine, too, just keep in mind I know you're strong, you don't need to prove HOW strong you are. Your daddy will be more than happy to play Karate Kid with you once you're out, so save some of those moves for him. No need to use up all your moves now, on Mommy's organs. (She'll still need to use those after you get out.)

Anyway, just wanted to let you know we love you too, and can't wait to meet you... BUT WE DO HAVE TO WAIT. So please stop pushing on my lower abdomen -- that's not the way out anyway. In about six weeks or so we'll start making the cervix open up, so be looking for that. And make sure to stay head-down, don't try to pull any breech business, please. (Trust me, it won't be fun for you, either, so don't try it.)

Now, to keep you busy between now and then, I'll leave you with this song, that sorta makes me think about you every time I hear it:

(I loved the song before, but now that I know it features an impromptu, choreographed 80s-style dance number in a grocery store... I think this has to be my FAVORITEST SONG EVER.)

Out of the mouths of babes (or, Sex and the City... and Horses)

Cover of Girls Just Want to Have FunFreddy is not a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker.

I must say, myself, I have a dear, dear spot in my heart for Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt, and Shannen Doherty, for having starred in Girls Just Want to Have Fun (a.k.a THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME).

I also owe a debt of gratitude to Sex and the City (the series; have not seen the movies yet): after going on a whopping two(?) dates in high school and spending all my college years (all six of them) with the same (controlling, abusive) boyfriend, SATC was my instructional video on dating and relationships. (Also loved He's Just Not That Into You [book, haven't seen the movie], because, sometimes... he isn't. And you need to move on, because you're worth more than that.)

Freddy's experience with SATC is a litle different... a (supposedly monogamous) girlfriend of his flippantly informed him that the show "inspired" her to be "liberated" and sleep with another guy when she and Freddy were dating (in a supposedly monogamous relationship), because that's what "modern women" do (or something). (Now, I watched all six seasons of the show back to back, thanks to Netflix, and I saw nothing in there about cheating on your super-awesome boyfriend... but I digress.)

Author's note: I, myself, prefer monogamous relationships. Clearly, so does Freddy -- which is good, we match. I have no problem with people in open relationships or polyamorous relationships, because that's what works for them. But you gotta pick one! And make sure your partner(s) and you agree on which one y'all are in!)

Because Freddy has this resentment, which he has projected onto the main star of SATC, he jokingly likes to point out that... her face has some horse-like features.

Yesterday, while hanging out with Freddy's sister and her kids, SJP's episode of Who Do You Think You Are? came up in conversation... and Freddy, gentleman that he is, asked if any equine members were discovered in SJP's ancestry. At his sister's confused expression, I explained that, in Freddy's opinion, "Carrie Bradshaw" looks... like a horse.

Freddy's horse-loving 10-year-old niece, taking things a little too literally, asked, "Do people ride her like a horse?"

Well... that role did call for her to be in the "cowgirl position" quite often...

Simon's Cat in "The Box"

Since I can't muster the energy (or find the time) for a real post, I'll share this with you instead: